News of the Knee
For a few moments this morning, before I moved, my knee didn't hurt. I'm actually getting around fairly well at work today without the crutches, and I think this may be a sign of actual improvement. Not that it will get me out of surgery, but at least I can get around, so that's something.

I've been anxious ever since they confirmed my appt. with Dr. Morrison. He's a fine surgeon and has a stunningly good bedside manner, especially for an orthopod. (Rumor has it they have their personalities removed during their residency, so the good Doctor must've missed that day.) After a conversation with an old and dear friend with much experience regarding knee replacements (both her mother and mother-in-law) I am in absolute abject terror. My longest hospital stay prior to this was, I think, 5 days, and I was basing my projections on that. One of her relatives was in the hospital for FOUR WEEKS! (both knees) and the other 11 days. My friend's recent hospitalization of 10 days (no surgery) was over $31,000.

Yes, yes, there's the Trust, but it's not huge, and was supposed to serve me in my old age. If the bill comes to $50K (and it sure is sounding like it might easily do that) that's half of it. To say nothing of physical therapy, and how in hell I'm to survive for 4 weeks (or more - my last no-weight-bearing-wheelchair experience was 6 weeks) without work I have no freakin' idea. Add to that living alone in a two-story townhouse condo where the bed and shower are upstairs...

Just the thought reduces me to tears. I don't wanna do this, and yet I need to be able to walk. I can't do Pain, as I am a wimp of the first water. I've never been a fast healer, and things have never gone optimally where medical procedures are concerned. It's just too much... I'm trying to stave off panic till I've seen the doctor, at least, but it bubbles just under the surface and it's hard to hold onto equilibrium.

(gibber, gibber, gibber)